Making the Change

We are living in a self-serving, self-centered, self-righteous , selfie loving, social media obsessed society. I am not talking about teenagers here either. I am talking about all ages of women. I am always flabbergasted when I see other women who are supposed friends arguing over social media for all to see. I have also seen bullying against others that have each other blocked, but apparently someone has taken a screenshot of a post and sent it to the other and than it starts a whole scene of ugly unnecessary drama on social media. We must stop. We as women are in a better place than we have ever been.  To think we haven't even been voting for 100 years. Where just this year a women ran for presidency!  We have a voice today as women when we didn't even 60 years ago. It is time to stop bashing one another and start embracing one another.  

So where do we start making the change? 

First and foremost we have to stop competing with one another. We have been taught from a young age to compete, but it isn't where it is at; unless you are playing sports, cards, or a board game. Here is a scenario most mom's know oh so well. So and so throws the most elaborate parties. Then we feel like we need to step it up and make ours even better. Seriously! Stop! Some of the best times I have had were at a soup dinner party. Soup, French bread, wine, family or friends, lots of laughs and memories. At the end of the day I'd rather have a relaxing evening with everyone enjoying each other's company versus them taking a favor home that more than likely will get tossed in the trash. 

Years ago I had a friend that I noticed always complimented other women. She compliment a great outfit, good hair, a nice piece of jewelry, cute shoes, etc. I adopted it and started doing the same. I took it a step further and started complimenting strangers even. I started to noticed that when I did I took some by surprise and I could tell that I had made their day. Something so simple, but we rarely do especially to a stranger. 

Sometimes it is hard to hold your tongue when someone has said something snarky or rude. I have learned through the years that sometimes holding my tongue instead of saying something in turn ; I actually am doing a good deed. It just isn't worth it to hurt someone else's feelings. We can't take back our words after they have been spit out. So instead I just smile or laugh and let them have their moment. 

Gossip. Refrain from speaking it and spreading it. I am not going to lie; when  I was younger I seemed to know all the dirt. I had a friend say,"I know you know the scoop so spill it." In that moment I realized I was that girl people went to for the scoop. I didn't want to be that girl any further. I stopped repeating. I stopped talking about others lives and situations I had nothing to do with. Now I like to say I am a vault keeper. I am that person who people come to now knowing I will keep the conversation between just us. Spreading rumors you really end up hurting your own self because people lose trust in you. I would much rather be that person that people know can be trusted than the one spreading gossip about others that could be hurtful or not even true to begin with. My rule is if you didn't see it with your own eyes or hear it with your own ears it is none of your business.

I promise if you begin to start lifting others up you will feel better about yourself too. It doesn't happen over night. Take baby steps. Start small. I challenge each of you with the coming New Year to make a small change. Help lift another up especially when they're down. You got this! 

MILF

So it happened! I have said for years I want to be a MILF. (If you don't know what that is you've been sleeping under a rock or you need to visit Urban Dictionary.) So on Instagram there is a page called Instamilf. Yours truly had her very own picture posted. 

Don't ask how this happened just know it did.

When I found out it was posted I was so excited! I kinda felt like ,"I had made it!" I'm laughing out loud right now just typing that, but really I was so ecstatic about being posted on a social media page for the world to see. 

Many of the woman on the page are showing their bodies off and I am happy to say my picture was classy. It was a head shot. I wasn't even bearing my 38 DDD. Yes, I have very large breasts. I am sure I am known for my winning personality and not my large bust. Ha! Right! 

Well then they started coming. The many friend request, comments on my  picture,    direct messages, and dick pics. I was mortified when I realized being a MILF meant  teenage boys thinking I was hot and wanting me as a sexually object. Ewwww! Ewwww! I know I said, "I want to be a MILF.", but I meant to like to 28 year olds, not 14 year olds. 

The first direct message said,"I need a mommy!" The next one was a dick pic. Then I had a guy I had to block because he commented on the picture several times, direct messaged me more than once, and asked to be my friend. Blocked! 

This wasn't going how I thought it would. I was contemplating asking them to take my picture down. Every morning I wake up and check Instagram and I noticed that they cleaned up their page and low and behold they took my picture off. I was thankful. I thought I wanted to be a MILF, but actually now that I have been, I think I am good with not being a MILF.  I can scratch that off the list. Been there done that. 

Crystal Ball

Call me crazy! You wouldn't be the first. So I have seen a medium and spoken to those who have crossed over. I decided to recently go see a psychic. I needed some guidance with somethings I was currently struggling with. They both do something completely different. A medium connects you with those who have crossed over. A psychic relates to the soul and mind. They can see your future yes, but you have the power to change the path of your future. 

I was referred to the psychic by a friend who's friend is a client of the psychic. I was ecstatic to get the psychics contact information. While at the nail salon getting a pedi I sat and texted the psychic. It was a very long shot, but I asked if she had anything available that day. To my surprise she could see me that afternoon. She warned me she had a dog and a cat and asked if that was a problem. No problem with me I told her. I was a hot mess in yoga pants and a hoodie, but I figured no big I could look worse. There was no time to go home and change. 

I got the address and couldn't wait until 2:30.  I received a text from Victoria (is her name) asking if I could come earlier. Of course I could! So I skipped getting a Passion Tea at Starbucks and headed to Victoria's. I punched in the address on my GPS and to my surprise Victoria only lived about a mile and a half from my home.

I pulled up at her house and was nine minutes early. Which is rare for me. I am known for running late. I texted Victoria and asked if I should wait in my car and she told me to go ahead and come on in. 

From behind Victoria's screen door I could hear her greeting me. She opened the door and behind it was a short,blonde haired woman with glasses with a peach blouse and black pants on. I couldn't tell how old she was, but later found out she was 70. I was also introduced to Murphy her standard poodle. Murphy came up to me smelled my hand and then gave me a lick and let me pet him which Victoria told me was unusual for him to be so friendly right off the bat. 

Victoria then lead me to the "reading room".  I instantly loved it! One wall was hot pink and another of a lime green color. There were candles burning, a large golden sun with a face and purple eyebrows on the hot pink wall. There was a white leather couch on one side of a table and a chair on the other. I asked where I should sit and Victoria instructed me to take the chair.

I got comfy because this was where I would be for the next hour. Victoria explained to me she wasn't going to tell me I was going to die. Which hello that is a relief. Lol She said she wouldn't know what she was talking about, but that I would. 

She grabbed some cards not like the one's you see in the movies, but a smaller set with red on the backside . She started to draw cards and flip them over. Victoria told me I have great energy and I walk in a group. I have three people who follow me wherever I go. That I won't lie is a little scary, I thought oh shit please tell me they go away during my naughty times. I am far from being an angel as I am sure you've figured out. Lmao

As she starts to read my cards I am stunned she starts talking to me about a betrayal in a friendship that I need to walk away from. Not only walk away and keep at arms length, but cold turkey. It isn't healthy and it is one sided. I am a good friend to them, but that they aren't a good friend in return. She then explained it isn't just me or more is everyone. They don't know how to be a true friend. The  thing with what she was telling me I knew. She was absolutely right about everything. 

We then talked about another situation in my life that I won't discuss, but there again she hit the nail on the head. 

Then I shared pictures of my children and husband. Just by her seeing their pictures Victoria explained each one to me. Again she was right on the money. 

I left her house feeling so good. What had been bothering me that morning I know longer felt. See the uneasiness I felt it had to do with that friendship. Seeing someone that knew nothing of the friendship told me the things that were so very true. I knew it was time to stop even if it was for good. I have people in my life that love me and would have my back. Those are the people I want in my life. Not people who need me when they need a fill up on self-esteem goodness. I no longer want someone in my life that never even asks,"How are you doing?"

Will I see Victoria again? ABSOLUTELY! Shoot I hope to become friends. Her energy was amazing and I feel Murphy and I could go for long walks and be two peas in a pod. 

Drowning in your head

This is something that I don't talk about, but it's reality and I am a pretty open person and I figured that there is a reason I feel compelled to tell this about myself because I know I'm not the only one. For as long as I can remember I've suffered from anxiety and depression. I am NOT manic or bipolar, but I am sympathetic to people whom are. No one wants this. It just happens when you aren't really expecting it. If anything I suffer from anxiety much more than depression. When I have my depressed moments normally they are life induced or hormonal. 

I didn't just wake up one day and boom I started having anxiety. Nope. I have lived with it my whole life. Like most kids when I was young I got butterflies before the first day of school, but I had them a lot more frequent than the first day of school. I would get them as a kid just being called upon in class or if I was going to have to read out loud. I don't just get the butterflies either, I get clammy palms, my breathing is short and fast, and my mind races about everything and anything I am worried about. 

Most "normal" people have anxiety that is momentarily. Mine however spills over even into my sleep. First, I may lay in bed and my mind races about all I need to get done at home, at work, volunteering, etc. I worry about family and friends and what they have going on. Then I fall asleep and begin to dream about it. 

I remember about 8 years ago I was on the freeway with the kids and I started to have anxiety issues. The reason was I couldn't 100% protect my children from all the crappy drivers around us. I was having an anxiety attack while driving to the mall. Not good. In that moment I knew I needed help. I knew it was time to start some sort of medication. I had tried exercise and cutting out caffeine because I didn't want to be "crazy" and take meds, but I knew I couldn't handle it anymore. The anxiety was starting to stress me out daily. 

How do I explain anxiety to someone whom has never had it. Hmmmm....well it is a little like walking through a haunted house. You know at every twist and turn you may have someone or something jump out at you. Your heart is beating fast, your hands are clammy, your breathing gets a little faster. Then imagine the world closing in on you. While EVERY spare worry is floating around in your head. 

So 8 years ago I finally did it; I went to the doctor and started the meds. Omg! What a world of difference I felt. For the first time in my whole life my brain was quiet and not racing. (If you don't have anxiety issues you may not get that) I was able to not stress out about my family and friends. I was able to get a good nights rest. I could drive without worry. 

Oh I have hidden my anxiety from most people. I am not one who has an anxiety trigger talking to strangers or walking around at the mall. Mine is more I worry about the small things sometimes that most people wouldn't give second thought to. The best thing I ever did was start taking medication for my anxiety. My husband would agree. Lol I will always be medicated and I am not ashamed to admit it. It is nice to think clearly. It is nice to not feel like the world is closing in on me. 

As far as my depression triggers well like I said those are usually hormonal or major life events. I try to stay to myself because truthfully I don't want to talk about it or be around anyone. I want to just be. It usually only lasts a couple days and that to I have had my whole life. I get quiet. If you know me I am not quiet. My family usually will leave me to be me. Which I appreciate. My depression doesn't hinder my day to day life. I don't lay in bed all day. No, I still get up and function life like normal I am just withdrawn. 

So in making this public I hope I have helped just one person who feels they have anxiety or depression to reach out and get help. It is okay to take "crazy pills" because when it is all said and done we all are crazy in our own way. 

Said and Done

When it is all said and done and my final days have come. I hope that I will leave these things left in the minds of those I have known.

I would always be there when called upon, but never would I intrude. It isn't that I don't care, I just know I don't belong in certain life circumstances. 

I do take life serious, but I choose to laugh, find the good and positive in a situation. 

If I gave up on someone it wasn't because I didn't try, but more that I couldn't try anymore. Sometimes to grow we have to let go. As 2015 will soon be gone; I know it has been a year of change.

May your New Year be safe and may 2016 be everything you have hoped for. 

An Eye For the Phone

My names is Sasha and I am a Smartphone Addict. I have realized for the past five years I've been a slave to my phone. Of course there's the social media, there's texting , there's looking at Pinterest for countless hours for the perfect outfit I don't own or a recipe I may or may not make. It's a little sad when you depend on Facebook for your news source. I can't even tell you the last time I watched CNN or the local news. I've made friends with people through social media that I've never met in real life and quite possibly they could be bogus; I truthfully don't know. I have realized it's time to get back to reality and spend time with the people that love me. For who I am hot fucking mess and all.

My phone is in my hands most of the time. Unless I am at work and then I have it right next to me charging because one of my farm managers may need me for something and can text better than getting a call to go through. So since it is next to me I check texts, Facebook, and Instagram. I

never take breaks or leave my desk for lunch so I figure those little seconds of checking social media or replying to a text add up to break and a lunch. I can justify just about anything when it comes to my phone. (Hence addicted)

There are times I think about deleting Facebook, but then there are people I would truly miss. I have family and friends spread across the US and I do enjoy that I can share in their lives via Facebook. So I keep it. 

I do not talk on the phone anymore. The human connection does get a little lost when texting. Things  come across differently in text form then they do with an actual phone call. It is kinda sad when just yesterday my sister sent me a text ,"Can I call you?" I NEVER answer my phone and she knows it. So we had a 3 minute conversation, but we heard each other's voices and laughed a bit. 

I have been trying to leave my phone at home if we go out to eat as a family. So this way we can have a family conversation. Sometimes at home the four of us will sit with the TV on and each one of us has an iPhone or iPad in our hands. So I have been trying to keep mine charging in the other room instead of holding it. 

I know I am not the only one who is a slave to their phone. Maybe we can start some sort of group to help us with our phone addiction.  I say we meet next Wednesday. Who's in? Lol Anyway I guess there could be worse things I could be addicted to, but for now I am going to try and retrain myself to enjoy life around me. I have also learned I don't have to respond to a text right this second. Wait until the time is right. Wish me luck I will be taking this one day at a time. 

2015

Life fucking sucks sometimes. This year has had major ups and downs from the beginning of the year. I feel like I have been on an emotional roller coaster since January and here now we are in December and I have never felt like I have been tested so much than this year of 2015. 

Now I could go into everything that has happened, but I really do not want to sound like a cry baby. I will only go into the major events.

What I will tell you is some people I have loved a great deal and I never told them in this life passed on. Yes, we all know life is not forever here on earth and each day is a gift, but when a parent is taken from young children and children are taken from parents life just doesn't seem fair at all. All we can hold onto is our faith that there is an afterlife that we will see those we love again. 

I ended a friendship with someone I had been friends with since I was 15. She was in my wedding. We were close, but as years have passed we have grown into two different people. I do not give two shits to ever speak to her again. Harsh? Not at all.  I do not care what the circumstances are; our friendship is over. I do not have time for people whom have no empathy or compassion for others. My life is too short for callous people. That is the one great thing about being an adult you can choose to walk away from people who are toxic and self-destructible. 

This year started without having certain people in my life and they have re-entered again due to special circumstances. I am grateful that we could put past issues to rest. We never spoke of it, but I know it is all water under the bridge. For that I am grateful. 

I also went from having 3 emotions . Happy, pissed, to fuck you. I have learned how to cry this year. I never liked to cry before because  it was a sign of weakness. I still don't love it and sometimes I don't even know what to do with it, but I let the tears roll. I have felt so many different emotions that are new to me this year i know for a fact I have grown emotionally and my emotional intelligence could help someone else's growth in the future. 

All I know is this year I will never forget. It has been full of growth, but also full of sorrow and sadness. I am hopeful that 2016 will bring all things great. That it will be a year of wonderful memories and spent with family and friends.